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Tending the vine – Relationships

“I don’t have time for relationships!”

No one would make such a statement. But many people do say it with their choices. They don’t have time for family meals. No time to play. No time to “waste” just conversing with friends. Or they spend their time together on superficialities, never sharing what really matters. Their “investment” in friendship is minimal. (Note: If this is how you invest, don’t expect big dividends.)

Cyber experts tell us that the two topics most explored in cyberspace are sex and religion. We yearn for connection, yearn to go beyond ourselves, to make connections. We yearn for relationship. But these desires get relegated to private, even secret corners. Our tell-all culture hides what is most important. 

We are made for relationship! No one is whole without others. And ultimately, in the words St. Augustine addressed to God, “You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are ever restless, until they rest in you.”

A WISDOM-TEACHER

Her family was the seedbed of ANGELA MERICI’S gift for warm friendships. Maybe that is why so many called her “Madre.” They looked to her for wisdom and found both wisdom and love.

She opened herself to the one she called “my Lover, or rather the Lover of us all.”

Angela advised the leaders of her Company to have the members “engraved” on their minds and hearts, “not only their names but also their condition, and character, and their every situation and state.” Such understanding requires time together and deep listening.

People were drawn to Angela. An acquaintance who became a friend, Agostino Gallo, said, “Not only I did not know how to live without her, but also my wife, and all my family.” Why? She listened to what was in their hearts and responded out of her own. Another friend, Antonio Romano, was captivated by her on their first meeting, though he was twenty years younger. She took him seriously, honored his youthful ideals, and encouraged him to live by them.

Angela shared her own thoughts and feelings with her friends. Simply, unpretentiously, she spoke of what was deep inside her. She and her friends drew closer together and, together, closer to God.

REFLECTING and DOING

If you want to foster relationships in your life, maybe one of the following will help.

1) Do you ever “waste” time with a friend or relative doing something that allows for simple, quiet sharing? Or do you always have to “do” something like shop or attend an event? Initiate an occasion of simple time together.

2) Is there a relationship that you would like to “invest” more in? Are you willing to wait patiently for it to grow?

3) Have you ever thought of your relationship with God as an opportunity to deepen this friendship? Maybe paying close attention to God’s word and responding to what you hear there would help.

4) Take a walk with Jesus. Point out to him what you see along the way. Ask him what he sees.

5) Relationships must be honest, even when that honesty involves feelings that seem negative. St. Teresa of Avila is famous for her intimacy with God, which allowed her to be reproachful at times: “If this is how you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few!” Are there some issues that you feel a need to reproach God about? Maybe writing them out or speaking them aloud would clear the air between you. Don’t forget to pause to let God speak to you, too.

SCRIPTURE PATHS

1) Jesus invites you to friendship! He takes you into his confidence, sharing the meaning of his life and his words. Relationship is the hallmark of his life. Love is his final word. How you love is the hallmark of your relationship with him. Listen closely to what he says to his closest friends – and to you – shortly before his death:

“This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends. You are my friends if you do what I command you. I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends, because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father” (John 15:12-15).

2) Abraham alone in the Scriptures is called “the friend of God.”The Epistle of James suggests that their relationship combined trust and action.
“You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was completed by the works. Thus the scripture was fulfilled that says, ‘Abraham believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness,’ and he was called ‘the friend of God’” (James 2:22-23).

3) “Consider this: whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully” (2 Corinthians 9:6).

4) “And about three o'clock Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ which means, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’” (Matthew 27:46).

PRAYER

You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our hearts are ever restless until they rest in you.    
– St. Augustine of Hippo
……………….

My Lord, light up the darkness of my heart, and give me grace to die rather than offend your divine Majesty at all today. Keep my affections and my senses safe so that they may not lead me astray, neither to the right nor to the left, nor turn me away from your brilliant face, which soothes every afflicted heart.              
– Angela Merici
………………..

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.

For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen
–  St. Francis of Assisi
…………………

Why, God, why?

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